Are you kidding me!?! Internet Chick is at it again and this time she has fooled two ginormous websites! This gal has got to be stopped!
My day started out like any other Saturday, full of hope and the promise of truthfulness. Little did I know that a seed of deceit had been planted in my craft mind… The tide started to change and not for the good. As usual I had about three craft projects going on at one time. I really do like to start and finish a project, no matter what my husband thinks, it just doesn’t always work out that way.
I had seen a cute craft that I thought would be a great idea to share with the peeps who have liked and are following my page. Now, here is where I differ from a lot of sites, I like to make the craft first to see if it does indeed work and if I can make it cuter than theirs… I said it, happy? Yes, I want to improve on them, so sue me! So, here I was at our local “it’s called a dollar store but not everything is a dollar” store picking up the main ingredient: one 50′ self-retracting tape measure for a whopping $2.49. Now, before I plunked down my money I had checked all over the Internet and, like I said before, this was going to be $2.49 well spent! Two major sites had verified that it worked and one even had a tutorial. There was nothing but blue skies and green lights ahead for this project. I would be able to share a craft tutorial on my page and donate 50′ of slap bracelets to out local “help the community” thrift store.
Upon arriving home I sat up my craft studio which happened to be the coffee table on this particular day. I have found that I sound more professional if I have a studio, even though some days it’s the dining table, other times it’s the kitchen island, you get the picture. Feel free to call your coffee table a craft studio and impress your family and friends! 😉 Any who, the first thing on the agenda was to freak my husband out by pulling the metal tape out, locking it and then proceeding to cut the end off with a pair of scissors. I wasn’t doing it to be mean, you understand, I just like keeping him on his toes which is pretty easy to do if you live with me. After his jaw hit his chest he was suddenly very interested in my project. He stopped watching the world’s dumbest spy movie and removed him socked feet from off my craft studio table.
The Husband: “You’ll need to round the edges, they are very sharp”.
Me, exasperated that he wouldn’t think I already knew that: “I know, I know”…
The Husband: “and be careful because those edges will end up stuck in our feet”…
Me, rolling my eyes: “I am, I am!”
I swear, you would think that I was new or something! The first length of my 50′ self-retracting tape measure that I cut off was 12″ long… That’s like half a kilogram in the metric system, I think. My helping husband picked up the section and slapped it on his wrist… Nothing. Again… Nothing. “Give me that thing” I said as I took it away from him and began slapping my wrist with part of a metal tape measure. I looked like a crazed nun with a ruler slapping a kid that couldn’t spell ‘Arithmetic’… “But, but, they said it worked!” I almost whined. (Okay, you got me again, I did whine) Why would two of my favourite websites lie to me and where would this injustice end?!?
I grabbed my iPad and started searching like a mother that lost her baby’s pacifier. “See! It tells right here how to make it!” I pointed to a very reputable website that suddenly looked as seedy as the ‘National Enquirer’. “Cut the tape measure… Did that, round the edges…” Enough with the stupid edges, already, I thought…
Okay, Google, don’t let me down! I decided that I needed video proof. The first link I clicked on were the hands of a seemingly nice gal that would show me what I was doing wrong. Maybe I cut the edges too much, maybe I should soak it over night in vinegar, there had to be an easy fix to save my $2.49 investment! “Ahhhh, here’s the deal,” I shared with my husband, “I’m supposed to curl it backwards!”
Suddenly my husband was the one rolling his eyes as he started explaining the dynamics of the self-retracting tape measure and its history. Why did he even know this crap? He ended his lecture with, “and that’s why you can roll it to the end of the world and back and it’s not going to work!” Bolder dash! It has to work! Here’s another video with two precious children making tape measure slap bracelets… their bracelets had more creases than an accordion! 🙁 Then, an image slithered into my mind like a serpent, Internet Chick had struck again! Just when I thought it was safe to plug in my hot glue gun she rears her ugly head! I had to put on my pink cape and mask and alert crafters everywhere!
So, here I am with my 49′ self-retracted tape measure wearing a pink cape and poking at my iPad as fast as I can. Consider yourselves warned, my friends, heed my advice and learn from my mistakes until the next time Internet Chick strikes!